I just want to go to school.

There are two things I want to do before I have children. The first, travel abroad, probably won't happen and I'm okay with that. Hopefully I have a long life ahead of me and will have plenty of time to do those things, even after I have a kid.

The second, I'm determined to do. Only, everything stands in my way.


I just want to go to school. I want to learn a trade that I'm passionate about, or at least good at. I want to go to cosmetology school. I love making people feel good about themselves. I want the chance to do that every day. I know it will be stressful, I know it'll be hard on my body and my hands, I know it will be a lot of work. But it will be a lot of work that I want to do.

Presently I am on medication because of what I do to earn money. No, it isn't terribly hard, it's just NOT me at all. I hate it. I hate coming into this office every morning. I hate the people I work with. I hate the things I have to do. I hate the time, I hate the desk, I hate the psuedo-deadlines, I hate the corporate hell that I'm forced to walk into every day.

So I want to go to school. That's all. I'll do the rest. I'll work hard when I need to. I'll work harder than I need to. I just want the opportunity to do it. Happiness is something you decide, not something to achieve. I want to decide to be happy, but it seems like everything is standing in my way. Not enough money, can't afford to quit my job, no one would be willing to cosign for student loans. The only school I can afford has a waiting list. The others don't have night classes anyway.

It makes me want to quit... well pretty much everything. It makes me want to get so drunk I can't remember why I'm drinking in the first place. It makes me cry. It is a great source of depression to me that my one goal for my future is unattainable.

AND David had the chance to be enrolled in school this semester. And he won't do shit about it.

What the hell.