A list of complaints.

-A friend had to cancel on movie plans for tonight.

-I have the same headache as yesterday.

-I suck at blogging.

-I suck at my job.

-I am uninspired.

-I still have to do my taxes.

I feel a bit numb about it all, really. I just want some headache medicne...

Some things I needed to say.

anger
frustration
welling inside me
tears march to the front line
angels of the battlefield
preparing to release me
rallying against my demons
waiting for the word

hatred
destruction
a little black hole
growing bigger
when each passing thought
tumbles into the void
I loose pieces of me
you didn't even know were there

What was it she did?
Lady McBeth
to make it go away
out, out, damned spot

it only makes it worse
and i want to see him suffer

You turn the other cheek
I'll turn the barrel to his skull
You do unto others
I'll pull the trigger

It isn't ambition,
but Shouting didn't work.

I am sixteen again
I hate you for that.
Feeling helpless,
Consumed by rage.
I am just a girl...

I am in agony again.
They're talking
and laughing.
Shut up! It's not okay,
just because I'm one of many...

I am the center of no one's world.

Because I am not the center of mine.

He is.

I am at home alone today wishing i would have just made plans instead of planning to spend the day with my husband. He is off with Darin. Again.

Darin has to go.

Not because he is a bad house guest. He isn't.

It's because David would rather hang out with him than me. And that's not okay. We JUST got married, and I already feel lonely sometimes. He never goes out with me, he never goes out at all. So I only have home to be with him. And now I don't have that.

Just coming home nowadays makes me angry. Because I know he will be here with Darin already. Because I know I will be ignored.

2 weeks ago he had Darin make french toast for breakfast. He either didn't care or, more likely, didn't know that French Toast is one of the few things I can make all by myself. Yeah, sure, whatever. Darin can make it and it's okay. I haven't even had a chance to show him I can do it.

This morning he asked Darin to make breakfast after I had gone out and bought sweet rolls for us to have.

The other day we were relaxing together, alone for once, and he actually CALLED Darin to whine about his not being here.

Two days ago, we were sitting on the couch talking and Darin was going to leave us alone, but David called him in there to hang out.

He has yet to ask him weather or not he has a plan to get out or not.

I already know he's going to just get mad at me for asking him to get out, but I'm ready to stand my ground. I'm not happy. In fact, I'm fucking furious.

I'm fucking sick of it.

This is what I get for being nice. Not being selfish. This.

FUCK THIS.