...they can never ever call you by it .
Xmas was what it was. I spent a lot of time with family that superficially made me feel good, but to be honest, the aftermath is terrible. I spent way too much money on gifts, and now i'm broke. I have no money whatsoever. And what kind of joy did that bring me? None at all. None. In fact, I set myself up to be miserable for the next couple of months.
That said, it's over. Time to move on. Real life looms overhead like snow on the eves on a sunny winter morning. Time for me to get ready for the meltdown.
David an I talked this morning about how worried I am about Ariel and Andrew. It made me a little crazy, because the things he was suggesting (like I talk to my mom about it, or i should say this or that, or maybe i should try to talk to another family member) I have tried and I know they don't work.
What I can't say is that this is why I want my own kids. I want a chance to give them a real family. One that loves them and protects them from the kind of shit I went through. One that won't ignore obvious dangers because they're in denial about it.
There's nothing I can do about Ariel's situation. My mother won't listen to me.
So the only thing I feel like I could do to heal myself is to be a good mother. But I am in no position to do that. My hubby won't work. He doesn't want kids, i guess. At least not any time in the near future...
I can't talk about this anymore. It's making me crazy.
I don't even know why I started blogging in the first place.
Argh.
Xmas was what it was. I spent a lot of time with family that superficially made me feel good, but to be honest, the aftermath is terrible. I spent way too much money on gifts, and now i'm broke. I have no money whatsoever. And what kind of joy did that bring me? None at all. None. In fact, I set myself up to be miserable for the next couple of months.
That said, it's over. Time to move on. Real life looms overhead like snow on the eves on a sunny winter morning. Time for me to get ready for the meltdown.
David an I talked this morning about how worried I am about Ariel and Andrew. It made me a little crazy, because the things he was suggesting (like I talk to my mom about it, or i should say this or that, or maybe i should try to talk to another family member) I have tried and I know they don't work.
What I can't say is that this is why I want my own kids. I want a chance to give them a real family. One that loves them and protects them from the kind of shit I went through. One that won't ignore obvious dangers because they're in denial about it.
There's nothing I can do about Ariel's situation. My mother won't listen to me.
So the only thing I feel like I could do to heal myself is to be a good mother. But I am in no position to do that. My hubby won't work. He doesn't want kids, i guess. At least not any time in the near future...
I can't talk about this anymore. It's making me crazy.
I don't even know why I started blogging in the first place.
Argh.
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