Kinsey Scale and Othier Things

So I took this test online, because I was reading about a controversy that was posed in ''The Intimate World of Abraham Lincoln'' (Free Press) recently by C.A. Tripp. He surmises "that Lincoln was a 5 (''predominately homosexual, but incidentally heterosexual'') on Kinsey's famous scale of sexual desire" (http://www.boston.com/news/globe/ideas/articles/2005/01/16/the_gay_lincoln_controversy/)

Anyway, I thought it might be interesting to see what I scored...

Klein Sexual Orientation Grid

I scored an average of 3.19

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

Heterosexual

Bisexual

Homosexual

Meaning

This result can also be related to the Kinsey Scale:


0 = exclusively heterosexual
1 = predominantly heterosexual, incidentally homosexual
2 = predominantly heterosexual, but more
than incidentally homosexual
3 = equally heterosexual and homosexual
4 = predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally
heterosexual
5 = predominantly homosexual, incidentally heterosexual
6 = exclusively homosexual

Summary

The idea of this excercise is to understand exactly how dynamic a person's sexual orientation can be, as well as how fluid it can be over a person's lifespan. While a person's number of actual homo/heterosexual encounters may be easy to categorize, their actual orientation may be completely different. Simple labels like "homosexual", "heterosexual", and "bisexual" need not be the only three options available to us.

The Multidimensional Scale of Sexuality

According to my answers, it is likely that I identify as
Heterosexual with some homosexuality
or equally,
Homosexual with some heterosexuality.

Complete set of results

Heterosexual with some homosexuality:		3
Homosexual with some heterosexuality:		3
Past homosexual, currently heterosexual:		2
Sequential bisexual:		2
Concurrent bisexual:		1
Homosexual:		1
Asexual:		0
Heterosexual:		0
Past heterosexual, currently homosexual:		0

Information

The Multidimensional Scale of Sexuality was devised by Larry Kurdek, B. Berkey and T. Perelman-Hall. It is an extension of the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid, recognising that sexual identities can change over time, people can identify with more than one sexual identity, and that asexuality is a valid sexual identity. The Multidimensional Scale of Sexuality was published in the "Journal of Homosexuality" in 1990.

Take the quiz

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Physical Touch
with a secondary love language being
Quality Time.

Complete set of results

Physical Touch:		10
Quality Time:		8
Words of Affirmation:		8
Acts of Service:		4
Receiving Gifts:		0

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

New Years Break

This winter break has been incredible. Christmas was hectic, but not really at the same time. I spent way too much money last year and will be making up for it with my tax return. I worried a lot during Christmas, and got migraines for a few days. Was too uptight when I went back to work, understandably, because it was work. But then this New Years break has been wonderful.

First there was the New Years party. At first I thought it kinda sucked because there were a number of people that didn't show up, but I think I've decided that those that matter were here and that everyone else missed out.

Since then, I've just been relaxing. Edan and his girlfriend have been over a few times. We've been hanging out with Turtle and Kristen, of course. And I think David and I have gotten closer over this break. We've had whispered discussions in bed, we've talked a lot, we've gotten to spend a lot of time together. We've watched football, had good food (great steak :), partied a bit, cleaned a bit. And to tell you the truth, I really think we've gotten closer together watching our friends this season, as their situations change, because in a way it's got us appreciating all the good in each other.

It has been the first Holiday Season since I was in school that I have really felt like I had a Winter Break. I want to put this into writing because I hope I can look back on it and remember where I am right now. Who knows what this new year is to bring. There are a lot of different possibilities, but for now I'm content to be who I am and appreciate the things I have. Those are the qyalities I find I respect in myself, the things that make be happy to be me.


I have goals for the new year, but the other day I decided that it might just be equally as healthy to take a look back and think of all the things I did and accomplished in 2008.
I performed some more solo shows (at a restaurant!)
My Uncle got married to a great woman. (and i got a free car!?)
I played a noble for the first (and last) time. (But I did it.)
I took lots of beautiful pictures.
I camped in my PawPaw's land.
I made a few great friends

• Keely

• Juliette

I got closer to some old ones.
I got closer to my Dad than I have been since I lived at home.
I went to Dragon Con!!!!!!!!! (And performed a show there!)
I... well... I don't know if I can count that Kings Island trip. Um... oh hell why not...
I became a better dancer.
I was asked to put together a bellydance show for Ren Faire. (OMG!)
I have written lots of choreographies, made websites, gotten better at marketing.
My husband and I celebrated an AMAZING first anniversary. And we got closer in the process.
I painted my first painting, and it came out okay.
I got a beautiful dance space and sewing room (and my own closet!)

I just want to go to school.

There are two things I want to do before I have children. The first, travel abroad, probably won't happen and I'm okay with that. Hopefully I have a long life ahead of me and will have plenty of time to do those things, even after I have a kid.

The second, I'm determined to do. Only, everything stands in my way.


I just want to go to school. I want to learn a trade that I'm passionate about, or at least good at. I want to go to cosmetology school. I love making people feel good about themselves. I want the chance to do that every day. I know it will be stressful, I know it'll be hard on my body and my hands, I know it will be a lot of work. But it will be a lot of work that I want to do.

Presently I am on medication because of what I do to earn money. No, it isn't terribly hard, it's just NOT me at all. I hate it. I hate coming into this office every morning. I hate the people I work with. I hate the things I have to do. I hate the time, I hate the desk, I hate the psuedo-deadlines, I hate the corporate hell that I'm forced to walk into every day.

So I want to go to school. That's all. I'll do the rest. I'll work hard when I need to. I'll work harder than I need to. I just want the opportunity to do it. Happiness is something you decide, not something to achieve. I want to decide to be happy, but it seems like everything is standing in my way. Not enough money, can't afford to quit my job, no one would be willing to cosign for student loans. The only school I can afford has a waiting list. The others don't have night classes anyway.

It makes me want to quit... well pretty much everything. It makes me want to get so drunk I can't remember why I'm drinking in the first place. It makes me cry. It is a great source of depression to me that my one goal for my future is unattainable.

AND David had the chance to be enrolled in school this semester. And he won't do shit about it.

What the hell.

If you never say your name out loud to anyone...

...they can never ever call you by it .

Xmas was what it was. I spent a lot of time with family that superficially made me feel good, but to be honest, the aftermath is terrible. I spent way too much money on gifts, and now i'm broke. I have no money whatsoever. And what kind of joy did that bring me? None at all. None. In fact, I set myself up to be miserable for the next couple of months.

That said, it's over. Time to move on. Real life looms overhead like snow on the eves on a sunny winter morning. Time for me to get ready for the meltdown.

David an I talked this morning about how worried I am about Ariel and Andrew. It made me a little crazy, because the things he was suggesting (like I talk to my mom about it, or i should say this or that, or maybe i should try to talk to another family member) I have tried and I know they don't work.

What I can't say is that this is why I want my own kids. I want a chance to give them a real family. One that loves them and protects them from the kind of shit I went through. One that won't ignore obvious dangers because they're in denial about it.

There's nothing I can do about Ariel's situation. My mother won't listen to me.

So the only thing I feel like I could do to heal myself is to be a good mother. But I am in no position to do that. My hubby won't work. He doesn't want kids, i guess. At least not any time in the near future...

I can't talk about this anymore. It's making me crazy.

I don't even know why I started blogging in the first place.

Argh.

This year I want to start thinking about my New Years Resolutions early. There are so many goals I have that I want to accomplish, and I never actually take steps to do so. For 2009, let's get serious. I want to list a few different things, and my goal is to keep at least 3 resolutions to myself. Three aren't bad, right?

So, I'll start my list now.

• I will have a different career path by the end of this year. I will hopefully be in cosmetology school, but if not, I will at least be in a different direction.
  
• I will go to the library and study things that interest me. I will spend time on these things, and learn at least more than just the basics before moving on.
• I will make an effort to bring more structure and belief into my life. I will study religion and beliefs and develop my own structure with witch to live by.
• I will stretch every morning when I get up, and exercise at least 4 times a week.
• I will be quiet when my opinion clearly doesn't count. (Meaning that I will cut down on gossip until I eliminate it completely.)
• I will keep a journal. That's right. All year.
• I will express feelings and say things that need to be said (only to the people that need to hear them) even if it's slightly confrontational.
  
• I will save money and work towards my goal of being a mom.

Well, that's all I have for right now. I'll think of some more throughout the next 2 weeks and add to this list. I can't wait for 2009!

Wanna know a secret?

I'm slowly loosing it.

There are so many things on my mind. The medicine numbs most of them, but I know they're there and they're simmering just under the surface.

My maw is going to pass soon.

My husband hates my family.

My sister lives in a campground with a drug dealer.

My husband hasn't worked the bulk of the time we've been married.

We are in debt up to our eyeballs and he won't talk about saving money.

My grandmother knows my awful secret, and she said my Pawpaw knew too.

I have a bellydance show coming up and no one is as committed as I am.

I have to put a price on my show and I have no idea how to do that.

I have to write the actual show.

I can't focus at work again.

I'm taking medicine to numb the pain.

I can't go back to school... still.

I can't afford to buy a house, I can't afford to hope for a family.

I weigh too much, and I am unmotivated to work out.

My house looks like a complete mess.

I can't find my Ipod.

I spent too much on Christmas.

I hate the way I look.

My teeth are getting worse, and I can't afford to fix them.

I am starting to not care about sex.

I secretly hate my Mother and it hurts me to see my siblings.

I can't remember anything. Ever.

I need therapy.

My husband has something wrong with his prostate and won't go fix it.

I could get fired any day now.

I hate who I have become.

There. Now you know.

Dragoncon for Dummies

Dragoncon is the geek Mardi Gras. No kidding. These people go nuts. Virgins getting out of their parent's basement for the first time get laid, cosplayers get to feel like rockstars for a day or two, drunk people are rampant, and nudity is the norm.

I'll go ahead and tell you now that you won't get an accurate idea of Dragoncon from reading my experiences, because it's like a choose-your-own-adventure book... you could have your pick of a number of experiences depending on what you choose to participate in, how late you can stay up, how well you learn to navigate the crowded hotels, and how diligent you are about running from one place to another. There's no way to see and do everything there. There's not even a way to see and do most things there. It's a 24 hour party 4 days out of the year, and it's something every person who fancies themselves geeky should experience at least once.

That being said, I'll share what little I can remember from my whirlwind experience...

Friday night: We head down there midday on Friday and make it by 4pm Atlanta time. We walk in and I can already tell it's a madhouse. There are people walking the streets in costume, inside the hotels, hordes (no, not that kind... yet) of people are waiting to pick up badges, get their rooms, go into panels, or just standing around. I go with Keely to get her room and we make it up there in an elevator full of Jokers and Jedis fairly quickly, considering. We relax momentarily while they get situated and call Andrea, my soon to be roommate for the weekend, and snap a few pictures of us fresh faced and fancy...

We head down to meet Andrea and pick up their badges. People are everywhere. I mean everywhere. I immediately am overwhelmed by the costumes! Everything you could possibly imagine, from superheroes, to cartoon characters, real or imaginary, big and small it's all there. I just *had* to grab a pic with the first man in spandex that walked by me...

They finally got all setup and I got into the vendor halls. Miles of geek paraphinallia included comic books, t-shirts, dice, roleplaying books, costumes, art, jewelry, real swords, and even boffer swords!
Of course, there were plenty more sights to behold everywhere you looked. Here are some more costumes I caught on that first day:

I don't even know what she was, but it was freaky...

Lots of people just wore the stuff you can't get away with wearing at the office (me included, after dark of course...)

A Shaun of the Dead with live action cricket bat!

You can't have a geek convention without Star Wars characters running around everywhere, right?

We shopped and gawked until about 6:30 and made it back up to the room to change into our fancy goth outfits so we could go drinking before we hit the Voltaire concert at 1:30. Yeah, we were starting early... so what!? :P We had brought our own liquor to the hotel, so we started there, because everyone knows hotel bars suck. We got all gothed out and lookin' hot, and met Keely at the bar, where I lamented over not having my camera, as the best (and worst) costumes come out after dark... and drunk people + crazy costumes = hilarity. I did have Andrea with me, though, and we got some good pictures from her camera. This one is my favorite, at the height of our drunkenness...
So we continued to get drunk and run around looking at all the crazies... I had bought a horrible drink at the bar at one point and decided to go back to the hotel room to get more of *our* booze...
We were so tipsy that I decided I needed to get something to eat to make sure I didn't start acting too drunk (HA!) and so I grabbed a pack of Ritz crackers and took them back to the bar with me. On the way back to the bar, I think I might have offered EVERYONE I saw a cracker. Apparently, Ritz are good icebreakers because it was working. People were taking them and talking to me. In hindsight, it was ridiculous. Utterly and completely ridiculous... but you all are well aware of my kind and generous nature when I start drinking, so I shared what I had in my hands... and it only worked because these people were more drunk than I was.
Eventually we started going down, one by one. Gary was the first to go at 10:30. I heard later that he drank a half bottle of Captain Morgan's before he even got to the bar, so it's understandable. He got a little Captain out in the guy's bathroom before Keely walked him back to the room and Andrea and I waited next to a great Gene Simmions for her to get back.
From there, we went to go see Voltaire. We were a little late, which didn't matter in the least because the crowd full of goth kids were to busy feeling sorry for themselves or SOMETHING and noone was partying up near the front of the stage. We got pretty close and listened to the concert for a while. We danced and sang what we knew and there was a bottle of Jim Beam being spilled all around us. I was a little too energetic in that corset and I was the next to go. Trying to breathe and only getting whiskey fumes was actually getting to me, so I went on back to the room and crashed about 2:30. And when I say crashed I mean it... all my things including an open computer slept on the bed with me. I was exhausted and coming off a great tipsy spell. Andrea didn't even wake me up when she got back in at like 4Am! I was OUT.


I woke up Saturday morning to the sound of children (CHILDREN!) running and screaming in the hallway... oh god someone tell me it's NOT 8AM...


So Saturday and Sunday's story will have to be a different post, I'm out of time for now... check back later for more stories from Geek Paradise!